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Let’s say you go to your dentist because you’re experiencing some tooth pain.

You’ve done your (Google) research to determine what the cause of the pain might be, and have decided that it’s a cavity. You contact your insurance company to see how much it’ll cost to fix the cavity.

You get to your dentist’s office and tell them you need a cavity filling based on what you’ve discovered in your research. Without any questions, the dentist fills the cavity.

A month later, you’re back at the dentist’s office with more tooth pain. That pain ended up being way more than a cavity, and it’s about to cost more to find out what the real cause it. You’re frustrated because you told the dentist that you’re still experiencing tooth pain and the cavity filling didn’t solve the problem.

But can you really be upset with the dentist? After all, they only gave you a solution based on what you thought the real problem was.

This is how it feels to go through the Request for Proposals (RFP) process. If you’re not familiar with what an RFP is, it’s a document developed by an entity looking for a particular service. In my case, it would be consulting services.

The RFP process can be frustrating, and it’s a process I only participate in if the project sounds interesting (or if I’m interested in the prospect of working with a prospective client). The majority of my clients have not come by way of an RFP process, which pretty much gives you the answer to this month’s Ask Nicole question.

But do I really feel that all consultants should abandon the RPF process? Not really, but I do feel that we need to take nonprofits, foundations, and social service agencies to task on how ridiculous this process is in the hopes that they develop a better process that’s beneficial to everyone. There’s a lot left to be desired about the RFP process, but here are five things that bug me about it:

1) It’s an extremely vague process, focusing more on deliverables rather than being open to identifying what’s needed to get to those deliverables (and also figuring out if the process to get to the deliverables is even feasible within the budget and timeframe identified by the client. Which leads to the point #3).

2) The RFP is designed around what the organization thinks they need. As with the dentist example, if you tell your dentist what you think the solution is, it prevents them from doing a further examination to discover what the underlying needs really are and give you an appropriate diagnosis and treatment. I can’t develop an appropriate proposal for a prospective client just based off of what’s in the RFP without knowing some background information on the organization or program that’s more than likely not listed in the RFP.

3) Clients are weirdly vague about how much all of this is going to cost. If we’re being honest, an organization knows how much they’re willing to budget, but none are upfront about it. They’re either afraid to list it because of the belief that the most talented individual or group will believe the budget is too small, or they think they’ll have the upper hand at negotiations.

( I do not know of anyone willing to apply to a job posting that doesn’t have the annual salary listed. It’s tacky and unethical to deny someone the right to determine whether working for an organization will result in pay equity and livable wages. Plus, we all know an organization will eventually go with the consultant or group that costs the least.)

I recently got this question from Stacey, an employee in the process of transitioning from her job into self-employment. Stacey writes:

Hi Nicole,

I’ve been building up my business while being full-time at my job, and I’m planning on leaving my employer to move onto working for myself by summer. I’ve built up a solid client base, and while I’m happy I’ve been able to do it, I grow frustrated when I land a solid lead only for them to disappear. I do send emails and call them to follow-up, but I’m met with radio silence. Is there a way to stop potentia clinets from ghosting me? Any suggestions for keeping potential clients engaged enough for me to seal the deal?

Landing a new client is kind of like the dating process. While you’re excited at the prospect of working together, you (and the potential client) are still feeling each other out.

And just when you think everything is good to go, they can disappear without warning.

Of course, it’s frustrating because you’ve invested a lot of time into making it work (including submitting your cover letter and resume, a response to a proposal or work scope, and references, not to mention scheduling a meeting either in person or why phone/video). So you can’t help but feel some kind of way when it doesn’t work out.

The short answer to Stacey’s question is: No, you can’t stop potential clients from ghosting you…but there are some measures you can take so that, regardless of the outcome, you can walk away feeling good about your role in the process.

Here’s the long answer, broken up into two parts: 1) When you seek out an opportunity and 2) When an opportunity comes looking for you: