During my junior and senior years of college, I was a resident assistant in a freshman dorm. In hindsight, I probably should have chosen an upperclassman dorm to make things easier for myself (especially during senior year), but I had so much fun during my freshman year. Plus, one of my favorite freshman RAs was a senior herself.

Anywho, outside of planning activities for my floor of 23 girls and planning events for the dorm at large, I had to hold routine meetings to give updates on what’s happening in freshman life, the dorm, and on the floor.

At the end of our first meeting of the spring semester during my junior year, I had my girls do an activity. At the time, I thought it would be a nice way to have the girls share something nice about each other. Now, I see how this activity was as much about their individual self care as it was doing something nice for each other.

The activity is simple: Have your audience (clients, workshop participants, coworkers, students, etc.) sit in a circle (around a table, in a circle on the floor, etc.) Pass out sheets of paper (preferably white 8×11 sheets) and writing utensils. Have everyone write their name at the top of their sheet.

Once everyone has written their name, have everyone raise their sheet. Next, instruct everyone to pass their sheet to the person to their left.

Now, everyone will spend 1-2 minutes writing something meaningful about the person whose sheet they have before passing it on to the next person. (While you can add your name next to the compliment you give, you can opt to remain anonymous.) By the time the sheets return to their owner, their sheets will be filled with affirmations and compliments from their peers.

This is self care and community care for several reasons:

  • It helps us to give compliments. We often see things in others that we admire, but may be embarrassed to share with them openly. Also, when we give praise to someone, it helps us feel more self-confident in knowing that we’re making someone’s day.
  • It helps us to receive compliments. Receiving compliments can often feel more embarrassing compared to giving compliments because we may feel that we’re not doing anything extraordinary, so we will downplay it. Plus, seeing compliments in written form prevents us from verbally downplaying what someone sees in us.
  • It allows us to go beyond the self. Life is busy, and we all have things we’re focused on and worried about. When we compliment someone else, it focuses us to be more mindful of what’s happening around us and to the people we know, respect, and appreciate.
  • It allows us to see ourselves through someone else’s eyes. What we may consider mundane about ourselves can sometimes be something that someone else greatly admires about us. It’s a great way to see ourselves affirmed.
  • Regardless of what’s happening in our lives, we can all use a kind word. Life has its ups and down, and unless someone shares, we never truly know what someone else is doing through. While we may not be able to help someone solve a problem, giving a sincere compliment can go a long way.

Once everyone received their sheets back, we debriefed. It was wonderful to observe my residents looking over their sheets and trying to pinpoint which of their peers left a particular message when a name wasn’t listed. Some residents got a little emotional and shared why (and it mostly related to the fifth point above).

I did the activity as well, as after the meeting we placed our sheets next to our dorm rooms. Not only did the other dorm residents stop by our floor to see what my residents had written about each other, some took it upon themselves to do this exercise with their floormates.

Try this out and let me know how it goes for you.

Raise Your Voice: How can the act of giving and receiving compliments serve as a form of self care? Share below in the comments section.