I (typically) don’t like networking.

I thought it was because I’m an introvert or that it seemed easier when I was in college, or that I’d say something stupid that would ruin my chances of making a great connection.

Some of my most memorable (and odd) networking experiences include:

• A women coming up to me during an event, handing me her business card (for a service I didn’t need), and walked away.
• A conference attendee watching me intently as I spoke, and I could tell that they were honing in on catching buzzwords they could use to determine if it would be worth their time to continuing speaking with me.
• I was contacted about a potential collaboration with someone I’d never met before, and the only reason they were interested in working me was due to my location, but they didn’t know much else about me or if we’d be a good fit.

One day I realized why I don’t like networking: The focus is on what you can get from someone, rather than building an authentic relationship. The next time you have an opportunity to network with someone, ask yourself:

Would I care about this person if they didn’t have something I want?

I recently spoke to a researcher and evaluator. She contacted me, sharing how she and I were connected (we’re members of a few activists groups and listservs, and she reads my blog), and asked to have a conversation with me because we have many commonalities (being women of color with a passion for social justice and culturally responsive research and evaluation) and she’d like to be intentional in building relationships with potential consultants.

What I thought would be a 30-minute conversation ended up lasting a little over an hour. It was a great conversation where we learned each other’s work and the communities we worked with. We’ve decided to set up ongoing conversations to stay connected. I’m always excited to connect with another woman of color in the research and evaluation space to share advice and potential opportunities, but I’m actually more excited at the prospect of getting to know another researcher and evaluator in this case.

My #1 rule for effective networking is to focus on relationship building from place of really wanting to get the know the person as an individual, and less about what you think this person can do for you.

I’m asked this question often, or some variation of it.

I think it’s because people want to probe what it is I’m actually doing with my time because “consulting” can mean different things. Plus, there’s the assumption that I have more time on my hands compared to someone who doesn’t work for themselves.

The short answer is: It depends.

The longer answer is: It depends on what’s occurring at that point in time during a project, which projects are operating simultaneously, what’s going on with my clients, and what’s happening with my own non-client projects.

On any given day, I may have 2-3 client calls, a webinar meeting to either attend or host for a client, prepping for an in-person presentation or workshop, invoicing, planning out my blog content and newsletter editorial calendar, scheduling social media posts, participating in online forums to seek or give advice, writing a project proposal or end-of-program report, 1:1 coaching with client staff, doing an informational interview for someone interested in what I do, or scheduling a meeting with a prospective client.

Some days I get up and prepare for the day in the way I used to when I worked in an office setting, and some days I literally roll over, grab my laptop, and get started. Some days I work from home, or I’ll head over to the nearest cafe or coworking space.

Some days I’m more productive in the morning, where other days I feel more productive in the evenings. You may see people in online blog posts give a by-the-hour breakdown on what they do, but unless I have to do something at a particular time, I allow my day to flow the way it needs to.