14 Jun, 2017

Try This: The A & B Conversation

By Nicole Clark, LMSW|2021-08-19T19:43:28-04:00June 14th, 2017|Categories: Speaking & Facilitation|Tags: Facilitation, Try This, Workshops|0 Comments

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The A & B Conversation is a communication activity that focuses on healthy communication, conflict resolution, and gaining a different perspective on a situation. This activity can be used in a variety of settings, and today we’re going to focus on facilitating this activity in a workshop setting with adults and young people. This is even better if the participants consist of parents/guardians and their children.

Here’s what you need:

An even number of participants (for consistency, have the adult be Partner A and the young person be Partner B)
A timer
A list of scenarios ranging from conversations perceived to be easy to ones that may be more difficult, including:
- Asking for money to buy an item
- Failing a driver’s test
- Sneaking out past curfew
- Argument over discovery of a social media profile
- Choosing not to go to college
- Meeting with the school principal to discuss allegations of online bullying
- Asking for the meaning of song filled with sexually suggestive lyrics
- Finding condoms in jeans pockets while doing laundry
- Asking if one was a virgin on her/his wedding night
- Disclosing a pregnancy and having questions about terminating the pregnancy
- Disclosing one’s sexuality
- Being caught putting the date rape drug in a person’s drink

The steps:

As the facilitator, choose the scenario the partners will act out. Next, using the timer, have the partners act out the scenario for 2 minutes.

When the timer stops, reset it to 2 minutes, and have the partners switch roles. Have the partners improvise the same scenario, this time with the young person (Partner B) becoming the parent/guardian and the adult (Partner A) becoming the young person.

The follow-up:

After the final 2 minutes is up, have the partners process what took place using the following discussion questions:

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7 Jun, 2017

Ask Nicole: How Do I Develop Thick Skin?

By Nicole Clark, LMSW|2021-08-19T19:34:56-04:00June 7th, 2017|Categories: Consulting|Tags: Ask Nicole, consulting|0 Comments

Have a question you’d like to be featured? Let me know.

While working in direct practice and case management, I had a few clients whom I consider to be favorites. One in particular was a middle-age man who came to the agency for services.

When I first met him, he had survived three heart attacks in one month. He sat in my supervisor’s office, crying because he knew he needed some mental health services to deal with the stressors his body was enduring. On top of that, he was dealing with the heartache of losing his partner. The partner’s family blamed him for the death and subsequently refused to allowed my client to attend the funeral (and they also did not disclose where his partner was buried).

Of all the home visits I conducted, his home was also one of my favorites to visit. He was very hospitable and enjoyed showing off the items in his home. One day, as we were sitting outside in his outdoor office (yes…outdoor office), he asked, “How do you do this? How can you work with people that are desperate for help, who have so many problems?” I gave the usual “I like to help people” response, yet his question stuck with me until the I left the agency.

About a year before leaving the agency, I had a hard time getting in contact with him. As someone who readily responded to phone calls and letters and always welcomed me into his home, he was unresponsive. My letters to him were returned to back to sender, his phone was disconnected, and his health insurance was inactive.

I finally contacted his emergency contact—his mother—who informed me that he had died 3 months earlier from a heart attack. I was in a funk for the remainder of the day. The first thing I did when I got home was cry. I had clients who died before him, and several more who died after, but his death hit me the hardest.

I’ve been asked by a few people—in particular social workers—for advice on developing thick skin when dealing with clients and customers. The training and education you receive in school and during your internships will serve you well, but there will be days where your patience is tested. Here’s my advice on how to develop thick skin:

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31 May, 2017

10 Lessons Learned in My First Year of Full Time Consulting

By Nicole Clark, LMSW|2021-08-19T19:34:35-04:00May 31st, 2017|Categories: Consulting|Tags: consulting, Reflections|4 Comments

One year ago today, I resigned from my day job. Working full time while building a business had taken its toll. I had been there 3 months shy of 6 years. I had given my employer a 60-day notice in order to assist with finding my replacement.

I don’t remember much of what happened that day, but I do remember when 5pm rolled around. I punched out for the last time, hugged a few co-workers, and walked out the door. As I walked out of the building, my eyes welled up with tears. It had less to do with “WTH am I thinking?” and more to do with the fact that honored my passion. On New Years Day 2016, I stood on the observation deck of One World Trade Center, overlooking the city skyline. I told myself that 2016 was the year, and May 31st would be the day I’d leave my job to go into my consulting business full time.

Yes, it was cheesy, and when I left the observatory deck, I felt at peace. I had given myself a deadline several times before, and each time I wasn’t ready. This time, I was. I didn’t know how it was going to happen. I just knew it was going to. I had submitted proposals to several organizations for consulting gigs, and was either turned down or didn’t receive a response. Not too long after making my intention, two of those organizations who turned me down had changed their minds and offered me contracts. A few other organizations reached out to me, including an executive director of a local organization, who specifically wanted to work with me because we went to the same grad school.

Everything fell into place, and the past year has been an eye-opener. Here are 10 lessons I’ve learned in my first year of full time consulting:

It’s uncomfortable (but always remember your WHY)

If I had to choose one word to describe my first year in full-time consulting, it would be “discomfort”. When I was building my business on the side while working full time, I had a rhythm. I had only so much time to do client work, create content for my blog and newsletter, and market myself.

However, like building physical strength means pushing yourself by picking up heavier weights, discomfort has allowed me to grow in many areas of my business. After a while, you begin to see progress. Tasks that would take me hours to complete are easier to do, and things I didn’t think I needed when starting my business, I now have a system for.

Even though I knew I could return to the 9-5 world, I held on to my WHY. There’s a quote from Frederick Nietzsche that says,

“He who has a why can endure any how.”

Running my own business is bigger than creating my own schedule and doing what I want. My WHY was built on the foundation that there aren’t many people doing what I’m doing. My WHY was to ensure that nonprofits, community groups, and agencies are doing right by the women and girls of color they serve. Fine tuning my services down to design thinking, evaluation, strategic planning, and speaking has allowed me to develop a niche within the Reproductive Justice community that I’m becoming know for. On top of that, another WHY has been to show other social workers that there’s more than one way to be a social worker. This applies to any profession. You don’t have to build a career and identity around what your profession expects. You can create a career on your terms, and when you know your WHY, it’s easier to persevere.

It’s a HUGE mindset shift

I’ve felt like giving up at least once a week. I’m a one-woman show, and when you’re used to having someone dictate how your day goes, you begin to miss it. Also, I suddenly had more time than ever, and it became overwhelming.

Outside of making money, strengthening my systems, and getting clearer on who I want to work with, I’ve learned that transitioning from employee to entrepreneur is just as much of a mental game as it is a physical one. You think you’ll be anxious to turn in that resignation letter, but that’s the easy part. One of the biggest benefits that an employer provides is structure. You know when to get up, how long you have to get ready for work, how long your commute will take, what meetings and deadlines you’ll have throughout the day, when your staff supervision is, and how long you have for a lunch break. When working for yourself, you have to build a structure that keeps you motivated and on purpose.

I started out creating a structure that mimicked a 9-5. I created a 9am-5pm work schedule, and one day I realized that it’s ok to not work from 9 to 5. While I do have office hours, I like working in the hours where I feel most creative (and if I have any client meetings, lead calls, or site visits to make).

Your people will always look out for you

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24 May, 2017

Asset Mapping as a Community Organizing Tool

By Nicole Clark, LMSW|2021-08-19T19:34:14-04:00May 24th, 2017|Categories: Research & Evaluation|Tags: program evaluation, Research|0 Comments

Let’s say you are part of an advocacy group that promotes the health benefits of vegetarianism.

You attend a community town hall where residents speak their concerns over what’s occurring in the community and request resources that can benefit the community.

You stand up to the microphone, introduce yourself and your advocacy group, and make a suggestion to host a gathering for residents on vegetarianism. You share all the good statistics: Eating a plant-based diet high in fiber, folic acid, and a whole bunch of vitamins can reduce high cholesterol, lead to better weight management, lower blood pressure, and reduce the risk of heart disease. You make a suggestion of having your group facilitate a number of workshops in the community.

A resident raises her hand and stands up. Eating lots of fruits and vegetables sounds good and all, she says, but she and other residents have tried unsuccessfully to bring a farmers market to the community. There’s community support for a farmers market as it will aid in increasing food security in the community, but there are concerns that getting food at a farmers market will be more expensive compared to the community grocery store. Also, the community cannot decide which area would be best to have the farmers market. The community grocery store is located near the community’s most used subway station. And speaking of the grocery store–it’s not a very pleasant shopping experience. Not only does the meat smell rancid, the fruits and vegetables look questionable. Many of the items are past the expiration date, and the store’s electronic benefits transfer (EBT) system doesn’t work most of the time. Having a farmers market in the neighborhood will not only give the community another option to buy food, but they can also use their EBT cards to buy items at the farmers market.

Another resident stands up. He’s interested in creating a community garden because he likes the idea of growing his own food so he doesn’t have to deal with the community grocery store. There are plenty of vacant lots in the community, and he knows of a large lot of land near the community’s recreation center. There’s a”For Sale” sign but he doesn’t know the first thing in purchasing land and wants to know if other member are interested in buying the lot with him. In fact, he has no idea how to grow fruits and vegetables.

One of the most social-worky phrase you will ever hear is “meet the client where they’re at”. When you’re working with an individual (or a community, for this example), you may have your own agenda. Despite best intentions, if you can’t understand what matters to the community, their concerns and their successes, you will never find a way “in”. In order to build a connection between yourself and the community, you have to establish trust. Your advocacy group’s ultimate goal is helping communities eat healthier, and this community is interested doing that, but maybe not in the way you envision. So, what’s one way to marry your goal to the goals of this community?

Conduct a community asset map.

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17 May, 2017

Change The Narrative: Focusing on the Strengths of Young Women of Color

By Nicole Clark, LMSW|2021-08-19T19:33:52-04:00May 17th, 2017|Categories: Equity & Justice|Tags: Equity, Youth|0 Comments

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Over a year ago, I was invited to join a New York City-based initiative to provide recommendations on improving the health and lived experiences of New York City young women of color. In one of our first meetings, we were asked to identify the struggles that young women of color face in the city. With flip chart papers labeled as “reproductive health”, “education”, “access to physical exercise”, and others, we divided into groups and developed lists of things we felt were impacting young women of color negatively.

When we were done, each flip chart was filled to capacity. It seemed good because we were able to identify so much that we can pull from related to providing recommendations to the city. But as I looked around the room at the other flip charts, I felt incredibly drained. “What are the solutions to all of this?” I asked myself.

I’m glad I wasn’t alone in my concerns, because another person in the room made a crucial observation: First, we were a room full of adults, and while we may work with (or do research on) young women of color and have a pulse on what the issues may be, we’re nowhere near being youth. Second:

There's danger in focusing solely on what's wrong with young women of color. This leads to fear-based solutions. Share on X

It’s draining to focus on what’s wrong, especially when those problems are highlighted within your communities or within the communities you serve or ally with.

This isn’t to say that we should turn a blind eye to the challenges facing our communities. But what if there’s a better way?

What if we identified not only the problems, but the ways in which young women of color show resiliency? What if we asked young women of color to show us what the solutions are?

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Try This: The A & B Conversation

Here’s what you need:

The steps:

The follow-up:

Ask Nicole: How Do I Develop Thick Skin?

10 Lessons Learned in My First Year of Full Time Consulting

It’s uncomfortable (but always remember your WHY)

“He who has a why can endure any how.”

It’s a HUGE mindset shift

Your people will always look out for you

Asset Mapping as a Community Organizing Tool

Change The Narrative: Focusing on the Strengths of Young Women of Color

There's danger in focusing solely on what's wrong with young women of color. This leads to fear-based solutions. Share on X

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