I (typically) don’t like networking.
I thought it was because I’m an introvert or that it seemed easier when I was in college, or that I’d say something stupid that would ruin my chances of making a great connection.
Some of my most memorable (and odd) networking experiences include:
- A women coming up to me during an event, handing me her business card (for a service I didn’t need), and walked away.
- A conference attendee watching me intently as I spoke, and I could tell that they were honing in on catching buzzwords they could use to determine if it would be worth their time to continuing speaking with me.
- I was contacted about a potential collaboration with someone I’d never met before, and the only reason they were interested in working me was due to my location, but they didn’t know much else about me or if we’d be a good fit.
One day I realized why I don’t like networking: The focus is on what you can get from someone, rather than building an authentic relationship. The next time you have an opportunity to network with someone, ask yourself:
Would I care about this person if they didn’t have something I want?
I recently spoke to a researcher and evaluator. She contacted me, sharing how she and I were connected (we’re members of a few activists groups and listservs, and she reads my blog), and asked to have a conversation with me because we have many commonalities (being women of color with a passion for social justice and culturally responsive research and evaluation) and she’d like to be intentional in building relationships with potential consultants.
What I thought would be a 30-minute conversation ended up lasting a little over an hour. It was a great conversation where we learned each other’s work and the communities we worked with. We’ve decided to set up ongoing conversations to stay connected. I’m always excited to connect with another woman of color in the research and evaluation space to share advice and potential opportunities, but I’m actually more excited at the prospect of getting to know another researcher and evaluator in this case.
My #1 rule for effective networking is to focus on relationship building from place of really wanting to get the know the person as an individual, and less about what you think this person can do for you.
I’ve found that many of my memorable academic and professional opportunities came because I already had a relationship with the person offering it to me. They’d already knew me and my non-professional interests, professional goals, and skillsets.
Another way to build authentic relationships is to be helpful, as this helps to add value to the relationship. I show my helpfulness by writing these blog posts, responding to emails, participating in professional in-person and online groups, being active on listservs, sharing opportunities and resources, and offering to do informational meetings. In fact, I’ve actually gotten a client based on me being a frequent presence on a listserv.
This works for me because it takes the anxiety out of networking, plus the process becomes for collaborative and mutually beneficial. In a world where there’s constant comparison and competition, it helps to focus on how best you can give and receive help and guidance from others in ways that don’t feel daunting.
Key takeaway
Networking can be feel forced and intimidating, but when you focus on building authentic relationships by adding value in addition to getting to know someone, they’ll remember you later.
Raise Your Voice: What is your #1 rule for building authentic relationships? Share below in the comments section.
