28 Feb, 2019

Self Care Corner: You Might Be Suffering from Resistance Fatigue

By |2021-08-19T20:25:44-04:00February 28th, 2019|Categories: Self & Community Care|Tags: , , |0 Comments


Today’s post has been on my to-write list for some time, but has been put on the backburner in favor of other topics I felt needed my attention.

Which is how many of us view self-care in general: Something that should get done, but gets regulated to the end of the priority list.

And in my Self Care Corner posts, I share an exercise, resource or piece of advice I think may be useful in helping you to build an effective self care practice.

Today’s post is more food for thought. It’s about the fatigue we feel when we are in a constant state of resistance and is inspired by a YouTube video I saw recently that beautifully illustrated what resistance is (and what happens when we choose to allow the resistance.)

In the video, Amy Westmoreland demonstrates what happens when you get your fingers caught in a Chinese finger trap. The most obvious option is to figure out how to get your fingers out, but you’ll notice that the more you struggle to release your fingers, the tighter the trap becomes.

To remove the trap easily, you have to relax. Amy says, “All I have to do is acknowledge what I’m in resistance over. Now, sometimes you’re not going to be able to pinpoint it exactly, but in this case, we know exactly what we’re in resistance over: Oh. My fingers are stuck. And you stop struggling and you allow it to be there, and that’s when you let it be that your fingers are stuck. As you do that, you naturally relax. We haven’t resolved the original problem, the thing we’re struggling against….but what you have done is made a major shift in your energy from resisting the resistance to allowing the resistance. When you allow it, it becomes easy to disengage.”

I first noticed resistance fatigue when I started getting into activism as a college student. I noticed it even more as I entered the workforce. Since watching Amy’s video, I’ve thought about how resistance shows up in my activism and in my client work. When something is happening in the political landscape that we don’t like, we go to the nearest protest or spend our time fighting with people on social media. When my clients get feedback about their programs, services, and strategies that they don’t like, they want to figure out how to spend it so that it sounds better. (And in some cases, they don’t want it to be reported at all. Luckily, I don’t work with these types of clients anymore.)

But what would happen if we stop resisting and allow what is to just be? As Amy mentions, we haven’t solved the problem that’s causing the resistance. But in this moment, there’s a relief.

How can we apply this concept to how we take care of ourselves and each other?

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11 Jul, 2018

The Stress Management Workbook: De-stress in 10 Minutes or Less (Review)

By |2021-08-19T20:13:43-04:00July 11th, 2018|Categories: Self & Community Care|Tags: |0 Comments

I first came across Dr. Ruth C. White a few years ago through a travel platform. We connected via social media, and I discovered that she’s not only a fellow social worker; she also has a passion for helping others take control over the stressors that can impact everyday life.

Ruth has been very transparent is sharing her story of writing her doctoral dissertation at the University of California at Berkeley, while teaching classes at San Francisco State University, working part time at a research institute, and being a mother and wife to her daughter and husband. Ruth eventually ended up being admitted to the hospital due to stress she faced. 

What’s different about Ruth’s story is that, instead of returning to the status quo, Ruth decided to do a deep dive into how to live a happier life while managing life’s stressors. Ruth used medication in her recovery, but she also wanted to focus on how to behave her way to mental wellbeing.  

Ruth reached out to me a few weeks ago to offer me the opportunity to review her latest workbook, The Stress Management Workbook: De-stress in 10 Minutes or Less. (Althea Press, 2018)

Ruth claims that The Stress Management Workbook: De-stress in 10 Minutes or Less will “teach you how to keep your brain sharp, improve your mind’s response to stress, and develop strategies for minimizing stress in your life. You will learn to keep anxiety at bay, reduce the likelihood of depression, and keep yourself calm, centered, and in control of your emotions and your psyche. You will gain the knowledge and skills to perform better at work, be a better friend, parent, partner, and colleague, sleep better, increase your endurance, and be healthier in both mind and body.”

In a fast-paced world that doesn’t appear to be slowing down anytime soon, I’m always on the hunt for new and more effective ways to de-stress (and to do it as efficiently as possible.) So, Ruth’s workbook is right up my alley. And I’m all for testing out any claim that will have me feeling de-stressed in under 10 minutes.  

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16 Aug, 2017

Self Care Corner: Face Your Worst Case Scenario

By |2021-08-19T19:55:12-04:00August 16th, 2017|Categories: Self & Community Care|Tags: |0 Comments

If you’re someone who, in the words of Gabrielle Bernstein, has a tendency to future trip, this Self Care Corner exercise is for you.

We all have things that we worry about, and oftentimes thinking about what could possibly happen causes more anxiety than the thing we’re worried about.

Over the weekend, I read a blog post by writer and law of attraction coach Kelli Cooper of Life Made to Order. Kelli writes:

One of the best ways to clean up your energy is a willingness to receive all outcomes. A willingness to accept the things you fear worst may happen. A willingness to believe that maybe those things have to happen in order for you to make the shifts required of you. A willingness to believe that even if these things happen, it’s still all good and you’ll be okay. 

I started thinking about an issue that’s been causing me a great deal of stress over the past few months. After giving myself time to wallow in self pity and thinking about the worst thing that can happen, I took out a small notebook and began to write.

When an issue is stuck in your head and has no way of releasing itself, it can seem overwhelming.

But when you stop running from your issue, turn around and observe it with non judgment, what once seemed insurmountable begins to look like something you can deal with.

This is a process you can do alone, or (if you’re a social worker or someone in the helping professions) walk your clients through it.

Here are 9 questions to ask yourself:

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12 May, 2017

Self Care Corner: Be Kind To Yourself

By |2021-08-19T19:33:16-04:00May 12th, 2017|Categories: Self & Community Care|Tags: , |0 Comments

This Sunday is Mother’s Day, and depending on who you are, it can be a difficult day to navigate.

One of the last memories I have of my mother prior to her cancer diagnosis was during an argument she had with my dad. I tried to mediate the situation, but was so overcome with emotion I started to cry. She came over to me and gave me a hug, told me how strong I was and that everything would be ok.

As I stood in the middle of my apartment on earlier this week, and thought to myself, “I could really use one of Mama’s hugs right now”. The tears came pouring out. Not so much due to the 16th anniversary of her death being last week, or that the first holiday I experienced after her death was Mother’s Day (although that also sucked), but because I realized in that moment how self critical I am of myself.

Earlier this week, I read an article on 5 strategies for self-compassion, and Dr. Kristin Neff shared:

“Self-compassion acts like a nurturing parent. So even when you don’t do well, you’re still supportive and accepting of yourself. Like a kind parent, your support and love are unconditional, and you realize that it’s perfectly OK to be imperfect.”

Isn’t it interesting how easy it is to show compassion for others, but not so much for ourselves?

When a sister or a close friend is going through something and they confide in us, we do whatever we can to make them feel better though affirmations, spending time together, or helping them seek solutions to their worries. Yet we feel that we have to hold it together. That we’re strong and shouldn’t let others see us sweat. And when we begin to sweat, the negative self talk and judgment creeps in. We wouldn’t dare say the negative things we say to ourselves to someone else. Yet it feels like second nature to participate in negative self-talk all the time.

When we show kindness to ourselves, we become intentional in being aware of how we’re hurting. It may be difficult to do in the moment, but when we catch ourselves before the negative self-talk begins, instead ask:

How can I show compassion to myself right now? How can I be kind to myself in this moment?

We do this by practicing non-judgment as much as possible and we remind ourselves that, in spite of how things look, we’re not as alone as we think. You can also reach out to a friend or loved one, focus on giving yourself encouraging words. Anything else positive someone can say to you will be icing on the cake.

And speaking of not being alone, there are many instances where I’ve felt my mother’s connection. In the last 1-2 years of my mother’s life, she would awaken at 4:20am to get ready for work. As a teen, I would wake up at 4:19am to watch the clock. When it was 4:20am, I would heat my parents’ bedroom door open like clockwork. In fact, I still wake up at 4:20am on most mornings, regardless if I was in a deep sleep just to look at the clock for a while before writing back to sleep.

Another thing that brings me peace is this quite from Law of Attraction guru and motivational speaker Gabrielle Bernstein:

“Though the physical form is gone, the spiritual connection never leaves. This is just the beginning of a different kind of relationship, a relationship that may be more profound than it was in the physical form. Always trust that loved ones who have departed are always supporting you, no matter what.”

The next time the negative self-talk creep up (especially on a day that may be triggering), use it as a reminder to be kind to yourself.

RAISE YOUR VOICE:  How do you show kindness to yourself? Share below in the comments section.

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19 Apr, 2017

Self Care Corner: Create Your Introvert & Extrovert Self Care Plan

By |2021-08-19T19:31:58-04:00April 19th, 2017|Categories: Self & Community Care|Tags: , |0 Comments

In February 2017, I was the inaugural speaker for the Uncorked Conversations Series with Whine & Cheese . We discussed all things self care. After the conversation was over, I was asked a question by a participant:

I describe myself as an extroverted introvert. How do I balance my desire to be alone/practice self care without slipping into a long stretch of withdrawal?

As an introvert, I love my solitude but I’ve also noticed that I’m ok with a dose of extroversion added in my self care.
One way to balance your introversion with your extroversion is to identify self care activities that 1) meet the needs of one of those sides and 2) could meet the needs of both.

Here’s what you need

  • Something to write on
  • A pen or marker (or two different colors to add more color to your plan)

Create your diagram 

Think of a Venn diagram, where two circles overlap in the middle. Like this:

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