Last week, I was in Chicago to facilitate an evaluation meeting with one of my Chicago-based clients and to co-facilitate a roundtable discussion with them during the 2019 Culturally Responsive Evaluation and Assessment Conference.
When my flight touched down back in New York, I called my dad to let him know that I’d landed. I do this every time I travel somewhere.
While on the phone I’d mentioned to him that, while sitting in one of the conference sessions, I’d gotten an email from a prospective client interested in engaging me on working with them on a 2-3 year project, and how we’d set up a time for the following week to talk about it so that I could determine whether I’m a good fit for the client.
My dad commented, “You’re getting up there in the world”, and that he was happy to hear that things were going well with the business and with my clients.
Over the weekend, I celebrated the 3rd year anniversary of me submitting my resignation letter to my former supervisor, with a final employment date of May 31st. I had no problems staying on to help recruit and train my replacement. But the main reason why I wanted more time was so I could prepare myself to tell my dad that I would be leaving to go work for myself.
My dad is in his early sixties and has been with the same company since he was 18, and prior to my mother’s death in 2001, she’d been with her company for 20 years. I was two weeks away from leaving my job when I finally told my dad. He asked a few questions but didn’t say much after that. 2016 was a good year for my business, but things were very rocky the following year to the point where my family was worried for me. By the end of 2017, my business was moving in a more positive direction, and my dad went from checking in on me on a weekly basis to checking in on me whenever I would call home.
For many, this is the context we grew up in: seeing friends and family work for someone else. And when we share that a goal of becoming self-employed (or any goal for that matter), what we’re looking for is support and confirmation that we can do it.
We want to know that the people we have around us support what we do. Friends and family can be well-meaning, but it’s important to understand that not everyone will understand your goals and may not be able to help you achieve them. Especially if they have not had the same experience. But they do want to support your efforts.
In order to get friends and family to support your goals, you have to be clear about the type of support you want from them. In my case,
Initially, I would encourage friends and family to sign up for my newsletter letter or to follow me on my social media platforms. Once I identified the type of support I wanted from them, I slowly stopped doing this and requested instead for their emotional support but also gave them the opportunity to self-select how they want to support me. Emotional support for me includes checking in on me to see how things are going or sharing with others what I’m doing in my business.
Though I prefer emotional support, I’ve had friends hire me for
The other way you can persuade friends and family to support you? Actually doing the work.
It’s way easier to support someone when you see them doing the work. How many times do we tell others what we’re planning to do, but then we don’t do it?
When we see someone taking steps towards achieving a goal, it’s increases our resolve to support them. In fact, when others have a similar goal, it may even encourage them to start moving in the direction of their goals as well. Seeing others accomplish a goal we desire for ourselves makes it easier for us to visualize ourselves in the same position.
The more others see you doing the work, the more they’ll be willing to support you. Be it through their money or emotional support.
And yes: Your friends and family may never get around to supporting your goals. If this happens, I recommend seeking support from other like-minded individuals who are also working towards the same goal.
As I don’t come from a family with a history of self-employment, I started seeking guidance and support from other individuals who were self-employed. Once this happened, I was able to mentally position myself as a business owner and it helped to build my confidence in telling my friends and family about my goals.
Key t
Whether it’s monetary or emotional, identify the type of support you need from your friends and family. Then, do the work.
Raise Your Voice: What is the best way for your family and friends to support you? Share below in the comments section.
