On the eve of my 30th birthday, I met a few friends at a hookah lounge on the Lower East Side of Manhattan in New York.
At one point during the evening, one friend asked everyone to go around and share how they came into my life and one thing they’ve always appreciated about me.
I had friends there from my grad school program, feminist and other activist/social justice spaces, classmates from Spelman College, and friends I made from my pole dance classes.
As everyone took their turn sharing how they’d met me and what they appreciated about me, I realized how much I’d compartmentalized friendships. It had been rare for me to have my friends mixed in this way.
I also realized how uncomfortable I felt. Not only because I’ve always felt awkward hearing people speak positively about me, but also because I couldn’t remember the last time I’d mentioned to any of them how much they meant to me.
Intuitively, we know that our friends care about us. We also know which friends are always up to have fun and which ones we can count on in times of need. But how often do we tell our friends how much they mean to us?
Our friendships grow and evolve. We see friends move away or take on different life roles like becoming parents or spouses. We have friends whom we hardly speak to now when years before they were the first people we’d call or text. As I grow older, it makes me long for those days but I have to remind myself that while we may not see or speak to our friends often, there are still things you can do to show your friends that you care.
Friendships have been a crucial part of my self care. When I felt that my family didn’t understand me or when significant others weren’t attentive to my needs, my friends have always been there. In one way or another, my friends have been just as invested in my personal and professional growth as I’ve been.
Starting today (and moving forward), I want to challenge myself to not only spend more time engaging with my friends near and far, but also challenge myself to show and tell them how much of an impact they’ve made in my life.
Raise Your Voice: Are friendships a part of your self care plan? In what ways have you shown your friends how much they mean to you? Share below in the comments section.
