If we can encourage our friends to learn and grow from their mistakes, why shouldn’t we do the same for ourselves?

One of my goals for 2019 is to share more self care content, and to do so in ways that go beyond how we typically think about self care.

Part of how we care for ourselves is tied to our relationship to others. How can situations happening in our lives impact how we reenergize ourselves and connect with others? I began exploring this with my 2017 post “Face Your Worst Case Scenario“, where I shared advice on how to self-coach yourself through difficult times.

This post will be considered a follow-up to that post, focusing on dealing with the aftermath of a worst case scenario.

One of my favorite quotes comes from motivational speaker and corporate CEO Lisa Nichols in her video “Why You Must Forgive Yourself To Release Guilt”:

In the video, Lisa says, “When…you’re riddled with guilt, it really stops at some point being about them forgiving you and becomes about can you really love you enough to forgive yourself. When I ask this question to my students, they say, ‘But Lisa! You don’t know what I did. You have no idea what I didn’t do.’ It’s as if the magnitude of your error justifies the lack of forgiveness you offer yourself“…When you give yourself permission to be worthy of forgiveness, that’s when you [exhale] ‘Ok, I made a mistake. I did what I did based on what I knew. When I know more, I do more, and when I know better, I do better’…The same grace and compassion you’re willing to give to others, be willing to give that to yourself.”

When we hurt someone, we feel guilt or shame. We feel this way because we care. We’ve all made mistakes that have impacted our relationship with others. Sometimes those decisions were made because we really wanted to hurt them. And sometimes those decisions came from a place of fear or self-preservation.

When we hurt others, the natural response is to seek forgiveness. But even this can be hard to come by due to our own pride or also due to never getting the closure we seek.

Part of our self care practice should include knowing how to forgive ourselves, regardless of the size of our transgression and the understanding that we may never receive an apology. It’s self care because we learn to move forward with the understanding that we may never get the chance to apologize, and also knowing how to move forward even if our apology isn’t accepted.

Also, forgiving yourself is self care because it means we understand that guilt and shame can manifest themselves in harmful, physical ways. When something is weighing on you mentally, it can also weigh on you in other ways, like joint pain, unexplained weight gain or loss, or other physical ailments.

Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean that you’re letting yourself off the hook. It means the past is the past, and what’s done is done. We recognize our role in the situation, and we can take steps to learn from our mistakes.

Psychologist Beverly Engel says, “If you do not forgive yourself, the shame you carry will compel you to continue to act in harmful ways toward others and yourself…forgiving yourself will help you to heal another layer of shame and free you to continue becoming a better human being. Without the burden of self-hatred you have been carrying around you can literally transform your life.”

Mistakes happen because they help us grow, so use your mistake as a fresh start. If we can encourage our friends to learn and grow from their mistakes, why shouldn’t we do the same for ourselves?

Raise Your Voice: Is there an area of your life where you need to practice self-forgiveness? Share below in the comments section.