One of my limiting beliefs is “I always have to prove myself”.
Like most of us, working hard is something that’s ingrained. In order to achieve a goal, we have to work hard for it. And by working hard for it, we have to prove to others that we’re competent.
The other day, I was doing some client work, and playing on a loop in my mind was “I don’t know what I’m doing”.
I stopped working. The task I was doing is a task I do all the time for my clients, and everything I present the results back to my clients, they’re appreciative. So, why was this thought playing?
Instead of getting frustrated, I became curious. I decided to get to the bottom of it. Where did this belief come from?
I discovered that this belief stemmed from a comment my 7th-grade math teacher made about me to my mom during a parent/teacher conference. I had been struggling with a math concept in the class, and it was playing out in my grades at the time. My mom was upset because the teacher told her “I don’t think Nicole knows what she’s doing”.
I remembered feeling embarrassed because I hadn’t told my mom that I was struggling in the class. I also remember making it my mission to prove to my teacher that I did know what I was doing. For the remainder of the school year, whenever I would complete a problem, I would go up to my math teacher to show her that I figured it out. Essentially to prove to her that I do know what I’m doing.
Looking back, that teacher probably never changed her opinion about it, no matter how many math problems I solved. Second, I never questioned my mother why my teacher felt that way. Third, it’s possible that the teacher said positive things about me, made mention to the fact that she noticed I was beginning to struggle a bit, and my mom interpreted the way she did. Lastly, not only did I pass the class, I went on to pass every other math class I enrolled in.
I see how this one incident–told to me from someone else’s interpretation–created this narrative that, years later, I still struggle with. Instead of getting upset with myself, I asked, “What happens when we challenge other people’s narratives about us, and how can we do it in a way that is beneficial for us, rather than trying to prove a point?”
How does “I don’t think Nicole knows what she’s doing” play out in how I interact with current and prospective clients?
For prospective clients, I’ve found myself wanting to over-explain my process to show them I’m the best person for the job…even when the client came to me and expressed why they would make a great client for me.
For current clients, it sometimes has resulted in me feeling I’m not good enough, even when the client expresses gratitude for me helping them to problem-solve or provide an objective solution for their needs.
How was I able to change the narrative? I identified the underlying limiting belief. I wrote out ways my clients have offered me feedback, and how I’ve always been eager to reflect on their feedback to make things better in my work. I thought about the number of clients I’ve had over the years and how I’ve been able to secure more clients, despite hanging on this a narrative that belonged to someone else. I looked back at emails and comments related to the blog posts I’ve written over the years where people have expressed that it was a solution to their problem or it encouraged them to think about a topic in another way. I’ve always known what I was doing. I have had struggled in a particular area, but that should never define all areas.
Changing the narratives we take on is a form of self care because it helps us to approach issues from a neutral place, with the understanding that 1) this is someone else’s narrative of us and 2) it’s on us whether or not we accept the narrative. We can’t control what someone thinks of us, but we can control if we want their opinion to be part of our narrative.
So the next time you’re faced with a limiting belief, don’t be afraid to challenge where that belief came from so you can move forward with changing the narrative.
Raise Your Voice: What is a limiting belief you currently have, and how can you challenge that belief in order to change your narrative? Share below in the comments section.
