February 1, 2018: Congratulations to Beth Pellettieri and Kimmie Remis! Click on their names to see how they plan to use the book!
One day, my mom took my sister and I to our local public library to check out some books. One of the books I checked out was “What’s Happening to My Body? Book for Girls: A Growing Up Guide for Parents and Daughters”. It’s one of the most banned books in the United States. Why? Because many people believed the content–targeted towards youth ages 8-15–was too graphic, mentioned HIV/AIDS, and challenged the religious notion that masturbation is a sin.
I don’t remember much about how the book was written, but what I do remember is shielding my mom from seeing me check out that book.
A lot has changed since that time, but many things–including navigating platonic and romantic relationships, understanding puberty, and more–remain the same, despite medical advancements, more educational resources, fact-checking and the internet. In fact, the biggest thing that hasn’t changed much since the dawn of adolescence is this: Young people are searching for answers about their lives, and are looking to adults to provide the answers.
Enter Michelle Hope. Michelle is an award-winning sexologist and educator who uses pop culture, entertainment, and social media to show how sexuality impacts everyday relationships. And her first book, The Girls’ Guide to Sex Education: 150 Honest Answers to Urgent Questions about Puberty, Relationships, and Growing Up, launches February 20, 2018.
I met Michelle in 2015 while consulting with the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene, when she joined the NYC DOHMH’s Sexual and Reproductive Justice Community Engagement Group. My first impression of Michelle was that she was commanding, passionate, and caring. And seeing her in action while working with young people solidified my impression.
That’s why I’m so excited that Michelle is releasing The Girls’ Guide to Sex Education, and I’m more excited that Michelle has given me an exclusive first look at the book, as well as the option to give away two free copies.
Before I share the rules of the giveaway, here’s my review of The Girls’ Guide to Sex Education:
The basics
The Girls’ Guide to Sex Education: 150 Honest Answers to Urgent Questions about Puberty, Relationships, and Growing Up isn’t like many books that cover the same subject matter. It’s written in a Q&A format and covers five topics, including:
- Getting to Know You (embracing the changes that come with adolescence and puberty)
- What the Heck is Going on with My Body? (what happens during puberty)
- Girl Stuff (Everything from bras to cellulite)
- Healthy Relationships (Platonic, family, and romantic)
- Let’s Talk About Sex (Including birth control, virginity, and consent)
At the end of each chapter, there are open-ended questions for girls to ask parents or other adult figures they trust (known in the book as Trusted Knowledgeable Adults (TKAs).
The target audiences for the book are middle and high school students who identify as cisgender girls– young people with a vagina who are or will be experiencing breast growth and menstrual cycles. While young transgender girls can benefit from most of the topics in the book, the chapter “Girl Stuff” will likely not resonate.
While the book is for girls, there is also a section called For Parents and Teachers, where Michelle gives advice to adults on how to engage with the book and with girls when they’re asked questions related to the topics in the book.
What stands out
The Girls’ Guide to Sex Education is deceptively simple. As mentioned, it’s written in Q&A style, where Michelle answers questions related to the chapter. The book itself is written under the guidelines of the National Sexuality Eduction Standards (NSES) and built on the Reproductive Justice framework.
It’s deceptively simple because Michelle is straightforward with her answers and shares appropriate resources where needed. This is important because she doesn’t overwhelm girls and adults with too much information. In fact, by being straightforward and not given too much information, I believe this will encourage girls and adults to seek out more information (and Michelle also includes a plethora of resources throughout the book, like an adapted version of the Teen Power & Control Wheel, a breakdown of birth control methods, and a listing of sexually transmitted infections).
Michelle is also nonjudgemental in her answers. This is important for two key reasons: 1) Being nonjudgmental validates girls’ curiosity and shows them that their questions are normal and 2) Michelle is modeling for adults how to approach these types of questions. For many adults working and advocating in the sexuality and reproductive health fields, we’re attracted to this work because of what we learned (or which we had known) about sexuality and relationships while growing up. More importantly, adults often grow up to repeat parenting patterns their witnessed growing up. Adults who had parents who were comfortable talking about sexuality and puberty with them often grow up to become askable parents themselves.
For those of us that didn’t have this experience, it may be difficult knowing how to respond to sexuality questions, even if you want to become an askable parent. Also, other factors can influence how adults respond to sexuality questions, including being raised with certain societal, religious, or ideological beliefs, having personal experiences with sexual trauma, unintended pregnancy, or negative experiences with asking their parents sexual health questions.
My favorite chapter is “Healthy Relationships” due to its relevancy (though each chapter is very relevant) and how unintentionally funny it is. In this chapter, Michelle answers the question “Should I give my social media passwords to my partner to prove I like them?”:
“Nope! Anyone who is trying to control your whereabouts or access to your private accounts–even if they say they’re only try to look out for you or that it will prove you love them–is someone who does not have your best interests in mind. Remember, one of the pillars of a healthy relationship is trust. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, you are entitled to your privacy, and people in a relationship do not need to tell each other their passwords.”
Why is this answer and the chapter on Healthy Relationships unintentionally funny? It’s funny not because Michelle is being comical with her answers, but because many adult women can learn a thing or two from this chapter, which speaks to the relevancy of this chapter in the age of social media (and also the fact that questions like these don’t end once you become an adult).
Also, the chapter answers questions about non-traditional relationships, including polyamory, in which Michelle replies:
“Being in a relationship with only one other person is already very complex. Being in a polyamorous relationship is even more complex, and it requires a lot of advanced communication and relationship skills that even many adults don’t have.”
On a serious note, this chapter also touches on ending romantic relationships, recognizing signs of an unhealthy relationship, and the qualities of a good relationship.
What I’m curious about
I’m most curious about how girls and parents/TKAs will utilize The Girls’ Guide to Sex Education. As a social worker, I can see direct practice social workers and counselors using the book (and the open-ended questions at the end of each chapter) as a conversation starter to gather information to inform how to work with girls who may have experienced sexual trauma or abusive relationships, or general education on the female anatomy.
As a health educator, I can see other health educators using the book as a resource and supplement to their comprehensive sex education curriculum activities.
For parents and other TKAs, I’m curious about how they can model Michelle’s nonjudgemental approach to answering these and similar questions, while also using the book as a call to action to become askable. Michelle’s answers gives The Girls’ Guide to Sex Education an air of “writing to your younger self”. I believe many adults, if given the chance, would love to impart wisdom to their younger selves, especially on the topics discussed in the book. In fact, I highly recommend adults take the questions and write out their responses. This can help adults better articulate their views and information should the time come for them to become askable.
I’m also curious about how girls will utilize the book. I can see girls using the book’s questions as a form of peer engagement and education. For example, in the chapter “Getting to Know You”, Michelle answers the question “Who can I trust when I have a problem?”, and in the chapter “Healthy Relationships”, Michelle also answers the question “How do I get over being dumped?” In a peer group, girls can take turns sharing their answers and reasons aloud or even making a “resource list” of their own the lists their answers for them to refer back to.
Final reflection
The Girls’ Guide to Sex Education was a great and informative read, and given its format, it’s easy to finish in one sitting. I’m happy to see Michelle’s contribution to the advancement of reproductive justice and comprehensive sexuality education, and youth-adult partnerships, and I’m looking forward to its release on February 20th. But you don’t have to wait until February 20th because Michelle is giving me two copies to give away!
Giveaway details
First, the giveaway is only open to folks living in the United States.
Second, the rules are simple. Answer one of the following:
- Girls: If you could ask Michelle one question about puberty, relationships, sex and more, what would you ask?
- Parents and Adults: Share one way The Girls’ Guide to Sex Education can help you become an askable parent/adult.
There are two ways to respond:
- Option 1: Leave your response in the comments section below by logging in with a valid email address. Or
- Option 2: To answer the question via social media, click on my posts via Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, or Twitter and share your response.
Two winners (one young person and one adult) will each receive a free copy of The Girls’ Guide to Sex Education: 150 Honest Answers to Urgent Questions about Puberty, Relationships, and Growing Up. The giveaway closes Wednesday, January 31st, 2018 at 12am Eastern time. The winners will be chosen at random and announced on Thursday, February 1st, 2018. Good luck!
