Equity & Justice Archives - Page 9 of 12

9 May, 2012

Self Love is the Best Love: National Masturbation Month

By Nicole Clark, LMSW|2021-08-19T17:45:29-04:00May 9th, 2012|Categories: Equity & Justice|Tags: sexuality|0 Comments

May is the month of many awareness days, in particular National Teen Pregnancy Prevention Month and National HIV Vaccine Awareness Day. But did you know that May is also National Masturbation Month? It’s ok. Many people don’t know because, like masturbation itself, no one wants to acknowledge something that’s so commonly practiced.

How did National Masturbation Month come about?

According to EmpowHer, National Masturbation Month was coined in response to the 1995 resignation of United States Surgeon general, Dr. Joycelyn Elders. During a 1994 World AIDS Day event at the United Nations, Dr. Elders, in response to an audience member’s question about whether masturbation can be instrumental in delaying the onset of early sexual activity in young people, said: “I think it is something that is part of human sexuality and a part of something that perhaps should be taught.”

Things didn’t fair well for Dr. Elders, who later was forced to resign in 1995. But the positive is that Dr. Elders is still highly revered and vocal about discussing “taboo” and “difficult” subjects, especially when it comes to sex and sexuality. Another positive is that we have National Masturbation Month! The purpose of National Masturbation Month, for the people who coined it, was to not only raise awareness about the firing of Dr. Elders, but to also get people talking about something that people refuse to acknowledge that they do: masturbate.

What are some of the myths about masturbation?

One of the reasons why masturbation is such a taboo thing to discuss is due to shame and stigma associated with self-pleasuring. Here are some myths I’ve heard along the way about masturbation:

You’ll go blind.

Your mental health will be compromised.

You’ll grow hair on your hands.

You’re some kind of pervert.

It’s only something you do if you’re not in a relationship, and if you do it too often, you’re screwing (no pun intended) up your sexual functioning.

You won’t be able to perform sexually with another person.

Now that we have those myths out of the way, what are some benefits to masturbation? There are plenty! Here are some physical and psychological reasons: (more…)

5 Apr, 2012

Can We Love God & Sex?: Religion, Media, & Young Women’s Sexuality

By Nicole Clark, LMSW|2021-08-19T17:43:51-04:00April 5th, 2012|Categories: Equity & Justice|Tags: sexuality, Youth|0 Comments

Over the past weekend, I attended the MOMENTUM Conference: Making Waves in Sexuality, Feminism, and Relationships in Washington, DC, to facilitate a workshop entitled “Can We Love God and Sex?: Young Women, the Media, and Making Room for Sexuality & Spirituality”.

This was my first time attending the MOMENTUM Conference, and I was glad that my workshop was accepted because the media and how we’re portrayed affect us all, and many of us may have grown up in households where religion was also encouraged and practiced. I wasn’t quite sure how the workshop would pan out (I technically put the workshop fully together 24 hours before I was scheduled to present), plus I’d never presented on such a complex topic before. I wanted to facilitate the workshop based on my own personal experiences. Even in my adult years, I still continue to work through my “stuff”: trying to remain a critical thinker in a society where it’s very easy to become influenced by what you see and read. When I was younger, I held onto the notion of being “the good girl”, and I was often told that I was the good girl. I wanted to continue to live up to that expectation, and I think in some ways we all want to live up to an image that is pleasing to others, and shows us in a favorable light.

Yet a few of my workshop attendees asked: What exactly is a “good girl”?

In the United States, we live in a contradictory society regarding sex and sexuality. Women are expected to remain virtuous until their wedding night while men are encouraged to be sexually experienced prior to marriage. Young men can be praised for their sexual prowess by having sexual relations with multiple young women, yet young women (and older women, for that matter) are expected to have as few sexual partners as possible to avoid be labeled a whore or a slut. (And not only does this confuses young women, it also places an unfair burden on young men who may feel pressure to live out this expectation).

And when you add the influence of the media into the equation, it all just sucks.

Sex is everywhere: magazines, books, television, music, film, and other forms of media. Sex is taboo in American society, yet many forms of media highlight unprotected sex…or, in the extreme sense, it stresses refraining from sexual activity until you’re married (with no mention of learning about how your body functions, contraception, what to do when you don’t want to remain pregnant, or encouraging preventative methods against HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs.)

Instead of discussing the relationship between religious/spiritual views on sex and sexuality and how women and girls are portrayed in the media, many often go to great lengths to keep religion/spirituality and images of women in the media distanced from each other. This is often problematic for women and girls of color. Stereotyped images in the media of Black and Latino women in particular often emphasize the extremes—from the Black “video vixen” and “hot” Latina, to the Bible-toting mother of the Black Church and the rosary-clutching Latina Catholic—increasing the denial of voices to be heard on how we view our sexuality and spirituality. Although women have made great strides in advocating for positive images of women and of sex and sexuality to include that, indeed, sex is not “dirty” or “sinful”, the mindset that “good girls don’t have sex” is still deeply rooted.

Still the question remains; What exactly is a “good girl”? (more…)

21 Mar, 2012

Blow The Whistle on Street Harassment

By Nicole Clark, LMSW|2021-08-19T17:42:48-04:00March 21st, 2012|Categories: Equity & Justice|Tags: Street Harassment|0 Comments

As a freshwoman at Spelman College, I had to attend a self-defense course, sponsored by the campus public safety department, during freshwoman orientation week. It was raining that day, we all were hyped about being away from home and experiencing the real world (and some were upset that we were required to stay on campus during the entire week of orientation, and we couldn’t go to neighboring Clark Atlanta University and Morehouse College.)

During the self-defense course, I remember feeling uneasy. I knew that the information I was learning could be potentially useful if I needed to utilize it…and that’s the thing. I didn’t want to use it. I didn’t want to feel that I had to be constantly on guard and suspicious of every man that showed interest in me or walked towards me while on campus or on a busy street. I stayed away from dating and relationships until the week of college graduation, when I finally asked the guy I had been interested in for several months to be my boyfriend.

Also during orientation, my classmates and I sat through a public safety lecture, where we were told the story of a young woman who went on a date with a fellow male classmate from the Atlanta University Center. They knew each other pretty well. Pretty well enough for the young woman to feel comfortable in going back to the classmate’s apartment after a date. After several minutes of lighthearted chatter in the living room, the classmate walked down the hallway towards his bedroom. After what seemed like an unusual amount of time, the young woman, being concerned about her classmate, walked down the hall toward the young man’s room. As she reached his bedroom doorway and called out to him with no response, she walked into his bedroom. The classmate, who was standing behind the door, reached from behind the door, grabbed the young woman, pulled her into his bedroom, and sexually assaulted her.

Going back to that self-defense class, I did zone out a lot. Learning ways to defend yourself should make you feel empowered, right? For some reason, I didn’t feel that way. It made it feel even more nervous. I didn’t want to be in a position where I had to defend myself physically, and it made me feel sad about living in a world where women had to constantly be on the defense. But the mood of the class was somewhat lifted when we received our whistles. My college classmates and I, attending an all-female college, received whistles during freshwoman year to assist us in self-defense. In the Atlanta University Center, we were the only students who had whistles, and the idea behind the whistles was that, if we felt that we were in danger, all we had to do was blow our whistles, and someone—be it campus public safety, fellow students, or students at the colleges nearby—would come to our aid. We all joked about it throughout college, of course, and thankfully, I never had to use my whistle while in college.

Flash forward, 10 years since my first year of college, and I still carry my whistle on my keychain. Living in New York City, I’m used to walking and taking public transportation to get from point A to point B. I’ve been in New York City for almost 4 years now, and I’m pretty much perfected my “Don’t mess with me” face while I’m out in public. Accompanying my mean mug are my earbuds for my iPhone’s music. I’ve gotten in the habit of walking everywhere, at all hours, with my earbuds in my ears (but now I take one earbud out when I’m out at night or in an unfamiliar place). Despite that, my keys, with the whistle attached, are always in my hand. Most times, my fingers are wrapped around the whistle in case I need to use it.

Oftentimes, I want to blow my whistle at the men who subject me to street harassment… (more…)

14 Dec, 2011

Guest Post: Fighting Hate Within the LGBTQ Community

By Nicole Clark, LMSW|2021-08-19T17:36:13-04:00December 14th, 2011|Categories: Equity & Justice|Tags: Guest Posts, LGBTQ|0 Comments

This guest post is by the ever-awesome Javania M. Webb. Javania has overcome a rocky childhood from molestation, suicidal attempt/thoughts, and feeling as if she were nothing, to now speaking to women of all ages about the trials and tribulations she has endured. Javania speaks from experience and has a wealth of knowledge on a variety of topics. Following her mission, Javania helps to minimize the mental health implications among (young) women, no matter age, ethnicity, race, and/or sexual orientation. You can find Javania on Twitter or Facebook discussing whatever floats her boat that particular day. Check out Javania’s blog and step into her virtual world.

LGBTQ vs. LGBTQ

Stud on Stud

Femme on Femme

Stud on Femme

Transman on Femme

Transwoman on Stud

Stud on Transman

NEWSFLASH… IT DOES NOT MATTER…

Fighting.

Fighting because someone looked at your “lady” too long at the club.

Fighting because someone bumped into you and didn’t apologize at the club.

Fighting because your “lady” is flip at the mouth.

Fighting because your “lady” forced you to pop her ass because she kept badgering you.

Hate.

Hate because no one understands you.

Hate because you are tired of explaining why you love women.

Hate because someone else is doing better than you.

Hate because you are tired of being looked over.

These examples are simply real and not the end of the problems present in the LGBTQ community. We are fighting heterosexuals, our family, our employers, AND our brothers and sisters who are just like us.

WHY though?

(more…)

12 Dec, 2011

Guest Post: Didn’t You Forget Me? A Queer Black Feminist’s Analysis of the Black Marriage Debate

By Nicole Clark, LMSW|2021-08-19T17:35:47-04:00December 12th, 2011|Categories: Equity & Justice|Tags: Guest Posts, LGBTQ|0 Comments

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***This AMAZING guest post is by Taja Lindley, a full-spectrum doula, tactile visual artist, performing artist, and Reproductive Justice activist addressing the challenges of women of color through creativity, personal transformation and entrepreneurship. She is the founder of Colored Girls Hustle, an initiative that uses art as activism and a tool for creating affirming and celebratory images, messages and adornment for, about and by women of color. You can find her Taja on Facebook, Twitter and Etsy.***

By now we are all too familiar with the preoccupation with the unmarried Black woman in the media. The question that keeps getting raised is: “Why can’t a Black woman understand, find and keep a man?”

Fundamentally I don’t have a problem with conversations about love and relationships. I have them all the time. What’s unfair about this question, and the conversation that follows, is what’s at stake because when single white women search for love, they get an HBO series (Sex and the City). But when unmarried Black women are approaching, at, or over the age of 30: it’s a crisis, it’s a catastrophe with severe consequences for the ENTIRE Black community, warranting late night specials on major television networksand talk shows dedicating entire segments to finding us a man.

The conversation always becomes “what’s wrong with Black women? “ and we get demonized as: unlovable, broken, undesirable, domineering, angry, aggressive, incompatible, uncompromising, too compromising, (in the words of Tyrese) too independent, possessing unrealistic expectations…and the list goes on.

Then here come Black-male-entertainers-turned-experts on their horses with shining armor to save the Black woman from herself! To save her from her own pathological destruction so she can do a better job of successfully creating and preserving the Black family. (Damn, that must be a lot of responsibility.)

Conversations like these put Black women on the defensive where now we need to explain what we think, how we act, and for what reasons so that these so-called experts can give us paternalistic and patriarchal prescriptions for solving the so-called crisis of the unmarried Black woman.

Academic professor and researcher Ralph Richard Banks, recent author of Is Marriage for White People, administers the latest advice for us. He enters the conversation on the assumption that has gone unchecked: that all Black women are successful, and all Black men are victims of America…as if heterosexual Black women seeking marriage aren’t in poverty with a net wealth of $5, suffering from wage discrimination, or also dealing with escalating rates of incarceration. But setting those facts aside, he advises that Black women consider interracial marriage for the purposes of bolstering the Black family and better serving our race. (No, I’m not making this up, see for yourself.)

So clearly what’s at stake here is the Black family. Not Black women’s happiness, not our ability to learn and grow as lovers and partners in a relationship or in marriage. What’s at stake is the responsibility that consistently gets laid on our back about the success or failure of the ENTIRE Black community. As if single parent families headed by women are the root cause for disparities and inequality. (Sound familiar? Yup, kind of like the Moynihan Report.)

My question is: why do people get to collectively comment on my body, my sex, my family, my choices, and my life circumstances? It’s just not fair. The answer: the preoccupation with the unmarried Black woman is part of a larger history and tradition of the hypervisibility of the Black female body. Our bodies, lives, love and labor are always on display as a spectacle for public debate, open for public inspection and consumption (you better believe that people are getting paid for the publication, distribution and sale of these books in addition to “expert” appearances on television).

Black women can’t seem to catch a break! Everywhere we turn we are being judged and diagnosed as stereotypes masked as pervasive problems with Black women. From the billboards that shame and blame Black women for having abortions, and the accusations that our abortions are racial genocide; to the demonization of young mothers and single mothers; to the stereotypes of gold-diggers, welfare queens, and the emasculating over-achieving successful Black woman; to the current preoccupation with the unmarried Black female…We can’t catch a break!

Black women are not a problem. The American public does not always have to be concerned with a solution. We are not broken or lacking, and we are not unfulfilled and incapable of living (or loving) without men. We are whole. So this fear mongering of “you are not complete without marriage!” has got to stop.

(more…)

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